An Open Letter to: Dez Bryant

Dear Mr. Bryant,

Let me preface this by saying that I am neither a Cowboys fan nor foe, nor do I have any preconceived opinions or judgments about you personally.  Now that the pleasantries are out of the way, let me explain the reason for this letter.  You are a buffoon.  I’m not sure if you are aware of this, but I’m afraid it’s true.  I recently heard of your altercation with your mother, you know, the woman who gave birth to you.  I was wondering if you might be able to share your side of this story.

Dez Bryant, WR Dallas Cowboys (Courtesy: fanIQ.com)

You see, I’m confused as to how you found yourself in a situation where the only reasonable resolution was to slap your mamma across the face with a baseball cap.  Did she forget to cut the crust off your PB&J?  Wiped some schmutz off your face in front of your friends?  I know when my Mom comes into the dressing room with me to make sure my pants fit right, I sometimes have to drop an elbow or two.  Come on dude, you’re a grown man!

I suppose it’d be naïve of me to think you are above these kinds of actions.  Your track record doesn’t exactly paint a pretty picture.  You rumbled with Lil’ Wayne and his posse in a Miami night club back in January.  Apparently Lil’ (yeah, he likes it when I call him that) was looking for some money you owed him and his boys.  They obviously weren’t aware that you had been suffering from financial hardship recently.  Or at least that’s what I’m assuming since you were also recently sued for stealing some bling from a jewelry store.  I’m sorry, you’re right, you didn’t “steal” the jewelry; you just forgot to pay for it.  Two totally different things, sure.

Now back to my initial point, the whole “you are a buffoon” thing.  You were blessed with immense talent which you continue to squander.  The Dallas Cowboys continue to put up with your shenanigans, but for how long?  How many people are going to want to cheer for a guy who grabs his New Era by the brim and slaps him Mom around with it?  We, as fans, can put up with a lot of crap from the athletes that we revere, but disrespecting your momma crosses the line.

So in closing, I’d like to suggest that you stop being such an idiot, and get your act together.  You may think that you can just prove yourself on the field and all this other stuff will just fade away.  But here’s the thing Dez; Tony Romo seems like a good old boy who loves his momma.  I’m guessing he’s not too happy with you right now.  It’s going to be hard to prove yourself on the field when your quarterback isn’t looking your way.  Just a thought.

Sincerely,

The Wordslinger