We open on the New York Knicks basketball court. Our main character, Donald West, is playing a game against the Harlem Globetrotters as Off The Grid by Kanye West, Playboi Carti, and Fivio Foreign plays. The Knicks and Trotters are tied. The next basket will decide the winner.
Announcer: West passes the ball to James. James passes back to West. West is gonna go for it! He shoots! {Donald ends up winning the game.} He scores!!!!! Ladies and gentlemen, The New York Knicks are advancing to the NBA Finals!!!!!!
{Donald is at a press conference for the game now and is answering questions.}
Reporter 1: Mr. West! How do you think the Knicks did today?
Donald: I think that we played a very good game today. The Knicks are currently ranked number one this year. So I think we have a shot at winning an NBA Championship this year.
Reporter 2: If the Knicks win this year, what will you do with your raise?
Donald: Well, I was hoping you would ask that because I’m planning on opening a theme park right here in Knicks Stadium. I give you… {He pulls a curtain to reveal a blueprint for his theme park.} West Land!!!! The first theme park inside a stadium in the NBA’s history. There will be roller coasters, Ferris wheels, new stores, restaurants, and, most importantly, photo-ops with yours truly.
Reporter 3: Mr. West, over here! Has it come to you that this might be the stupidest idea of all time and that your raise should go to charity?
Donald: What am I? George Clooney? I give my money away? Why do you think my net worth is a billion dollars? Besides, my new Bugatti isn’t gonna pay for itself.
{Donald heads back to his mansion as Junya by Kanye West and Playboi Carti plays in the background.
He is greeted by his four kids, North, Psalm, Chicago, Saint, and his wife, Kim.}
North: Hey, Dad. How did the game go?
Donald: Well, North. Your dad is on route to getting the Knicks their first NBA championship since 1972.
All: Nice!
North: Listen, Dad. I was hoping you could help me with my college essay today.
Donald: Well, I have some free throws to practice.
North: But Dad. If I’m gonna get into Harvard, I’ve got to be on time with this essay.
Donald: {Sarcastically} Hey North. If you don’t want me to win the Knicks their first NBA championship since 1972, I’ll gladly waste precious practice time to help you with worthless pieces of paper with writing on them so that you can be in an Ivy League school.
North: {Disappointed.} Never mind, Dad. Forget I asked.
{North, Psalm, Chicago, and Saint leave as Kim starts lecturing Donald.}
Kim: Why?
Donald: I’m trying to be richer than I’ve ever been. So I have to practice so I can win the Knicks a championship so I can get a raise so I can build a theme park
inside the stadium, so the money will flow right to me!
Kim: So this is about you?! Do you know how hard North has been working on getting into Harvard? She needs her Dad to help her.
Donald: Well, she’ll have to wait until the end of the NBA Finals.
Kim: Fine! You wish that everything you touch would turn to gold! I’ll help North with her essay.
{Kim stomps off in a fit of rage, leaving Donald with himself.}
Donald: {Pulling out a business card that says ‘Dionysus: 118 Little Rock Street’.} She wants everything I touch to turn to gold. I’ll wish for everything I touch to turn to gold.
{Donald drives off to meet with Dionysus, which will be done in Scene Two.
To be continued.}
