Last month, I wrote a piece about ‘if rappers were football players.’ Here’ s my sequel about basketball with Omarion as coach.
Omarion: OK. Due to the virus, we had to do practice in my apartment. Don’t ask why. Let’s just do attendance. {Starts doing attendance.} DaBaby?
DaBaby: Yeah yeah.
Omarion: NLE Choppa? {Sees Choppa doing his seizure dance.} Oh, man! Are you OK?!
Choppa: Yeah!
Omarion: {Relieved.} Thank goodness. I thought you were having a seizure. {Goes back to attendance.} Lil Nas X?
Nas X: Here.
Omarion: Playboi Carti?
Carti: Wha?
Omarion: Travis Scott?
Scott: It’s lit!!
Omarion: Lil Pump?
Pump: Esskeetit!
Omarion: OK. That’s everyone. Now since we can’t do a real practice, we’ll be doing NBA 2K instead. The NBA is doing it. We can, too.
{He sees Pump with lean.} Hey! Lil Pump! No drinking during practice and no drugs!
Pump: My lean cost more than your rent.
Omarion: No, it doesn’t. I still live with my mom.
Pump: Your mama lives in a tent.
Omarion: {Mad.} Oh! Class clown on our hands, I see! Acting up during practice is against team policy! You should’ve read that in the syllabus!
Pump: I’m a millionaire. But I don’t know how to read.
Omarion: {Angrier.} OK! Want to continue playing games, I see—{He calms down and talks to the team.} Guys. So many people look up to you. I know this isn’t the best situation to be in for sports, but don’t let this get to you. You are so lucky. So let’s do basketball practice, even if it’s just NBA 2K.
{All the rappers start playing NBA 2K, the closest thing to a basketball practice right now.
The montage ends with NLE Choppa winning the game.}
Choppa: Yeah!
{Just then, 6ix9ine busts through the door.}
Omarion: {Shocked.} So it’s true! They did let you out because you were scared of the virus.
6ix9ine: Yeah! I’m here to report that NLE Choppa has been using cheat codes.
Omarion: {Shocked.} What?! {He turns to NLE Choppa.} NLE?! Is that true?!
Choppa: Yeah!
Omarion: {Mad.} OK! I didn’t think it would come to this! But No Love Entertainment Choppa. You leave me no choice! {He calls Choppa’s mom.} Mrs. Choppa, come to my apartment with your toaster, please. Your son is off the basketball team.
{Mrs. Choppa walks in with her toaster and stares at NLE.}
Mrs. Choppa: Why?! Did you cheat?! At NBA 2K?! We do not CHEAT at sports!
{She swings her toaster at NLE, who screams in fear.}
6ix9ine: Oh, man! This is just the quarantined version of the basketball team. I wonder what the baseball team has in store?
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Who should be on the baseball team? Let me know in Comments.
