In defense of their bad behavior, sports figures frequently trot out one of the lamest excuses known to humankind, namely, “That’s not who I am.” But is that always true?
Back in August 2020, Cincinnati Reds announcer Thom Brennaman was caught using an anti-gay slur on a hot mic between innings of the first game of a doubleheader against the Kansas City Royals. He apologized during the play-by-play in the fifth inning of the second game just before he was removed from the broadcast. He said, in part, “I can’t begin to tell you how deeply sorry I am. That is not who I am, and it never has been. I think maybe I could have some people that can back that up. I am very, very sorry, and I beg for your forgiveness.”
But Brennaman’s defense caused a stir.
Cartoon by Kevin Necessary, Cincinnati Enquirer
‘’That’s not who I am’ at the end of an apology negates the apology! It implies that you don’t think what you’re apologizing for requires further self-examination. It is distancing yourself from the error instead of taking responsibility,” Hannah Keyster on X.
“I love it when people say ‘that’s not who I am’ when they do something dumb. Is there a universal demonic possession going on?” respondent on a Tech Sideline message board.
“If you’re that comfortable using a homophobic slur when the mic’s off, it seems like that kinda is who you are. Slurs don’t just accidentally come out of your mouth. They’re there because you use/think them,” Scott McLaughlin on X.
A man named Jesus is quoted in the New Testament as saying, “What comes out of the mouth proceeds from the heart, and this defiles a person.”
People may be surprised at what just came out of their mouths or what they did, but that reveals who they are. I’m sure all of us have experienced that to some degree. But athletes and sports figures seem particularly good at grabbing headlines with it.
The racist language that Buffalo Bills quarterback Jake Fromm used in 2019 in a text message became public the following year. Fromm responded, “That’s not me; that’s not who I am. That’s not where my heart is.”
To get biblical again for a moment, the prophet Jeremiah in the Old Testament said, “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?”
In 2018, Broncos running back Phillip Lindsay was ejected from a game for throwing some punches after diving late on a pile. “It’s my first time getting ejected, so yeah I was surprised,” Lindsay told Denver’s 7 News. “It’s not in my character. That’s not who I am.” But, as a reader commented, “It was some other Philip Lindsey dunnit. Bad Phil. He’s been expunged and won’t be welcomed back into Good Phil’s body anymore. Promise.”
Back in 2013, All-Pro defensive end Dexter Manley of the Washington Redskins (that’s what they were called then) used a gay slur to describe Dallas Cowboys Hall of Fame quarterback Troy Aikman. Here is Manley’s apology: “… while intending to be funny, I used a slur to refer to Troy Aikman. It was wrong and insensitive. Anyone that knows me knows that’s not who I am in my heart or mind.”
Are we noticing a common theme here?
Graphic courtesy YouTube
In 2017, Baker Mayfield, then the quarterback for the Oklahoma Sooners, was offended when the Kansas Jayhawks captains refused to shake hands with him at the coin flip at midfield. He responded (Associated Press): “It’s not who I am. I’m not trying to play this ego of being a bad kid. That’s not who I am. I’m not someone who’s always going to be in trouble. I’ve had one instance off the field where I’ve made a mistake. On the field, I’m a competitive guy.”
The one instance off the field occurred earlier that year when Mayfield was charged and convicted of public intoxication, disorderly conduct, and fleeing. It is the same Baker Mayfield who, two months before the Kansas game, planted an Oklahoma University flag at midfield following Oklahoma’s big win at Ohio State. Mayfield later apologized: “I did not mean for it to be disrespectful towards any Ohio State people, especially not the team or the players.” However, when GQ interviewed him in 2019, he admitted that Oklahoma higher-ups had forced him to apologize. Mayfield said, “I was just kinda almost embarrassed for them to tell me to apologize.” When GQ asked how heartfelt his apology was, he said it was “zero” on a scale of 1-10.
As John Agnew wrote in the Fort Myers News-Press, “What you do spontaneously, including saying hurtful things to amuse your friends — that’s who you really are. What you do or say with careful thought and planning, with estimation of possible consequences, that’s merely how you want to be perceived by others.”
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NOTE: If something I said in this column offended you, please understand it is NOT who I am. This column first appeared in The Vacaville Reporter on August 22, 2020.
