It’s never a problem finding lousy news in this world of ours. So, for a change of pace, let’s focus on enjoyable and often ridiculous sports quotes.
Barry Zito: “When you know, you know. You know?”
Muhammad Ali: “It’s just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, and waves pound the sand. I beat people up.”
Yogi Berra © Bettmann/CORBIS
Yogi Berra: “Baseball is 90 percent mental. The other half is physical.”
Bill Shankly: “Some people believe football (soccer) is a matter of life and death. I’m very disappointed with that attitude. I can assure you it is much more important than that.”
Jerry Rice: “I feel like I’m the best, but you’re not going to get me to say that.”
Hank Aaron: “It took me 17 years to get 3,000 hits in baseball. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course.”
Jacques Plante: “Goaltending is a normal job, sure. How would you like it in your job if a red light went on over your desk every time you made a small mistake and 15,000 people stood up and yelled at you?”
Mario Andretti: “If you have everything under control, you’re not moving fast enough.”
Vitas Gerulaitis, upon beating Jimmy Connors after 16 consecutive losses to him: “And let that be a lesson to you. Nobody beats Vitas Gerulaitis 17 times in a row.”
Tug McGraw on if he preferred grass or AstroTurf: “I dunno. I never smoked any AstroTurf.”
Phil Rizzuto (photo, Baseball Hall of Fame)
Phil Rizzuto: “I’m glad I don’t play anymore. I could never learn all of those handshakes.”
Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on John Jenkins, his coach: “He treats us like men. He lets us wear earrings.”
George Rogers, New Orleans Saints running back, about the upcoming season: “I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first.”
Dizzy Dean after a 1-0 baseball game: “The game was closer than the score indicated.”
Weldon Drew, former college basketball coach: “We have a great bunch of outside shooters. Unfortunately, all our games are played indoors.”
Bill Belichick: “I don’t think anybody in this organization is not focused on the 49ers … I mean Chargers.”
Charles Barkley: “These are my new shoes. They’re good shoes. They won’t make you rich like me. They won’t make you rebound like me. They definitely won’t make you handsome like me. They’ll only make you have shoes like me. That’s it.”
Pat Williams, former Orlando Magic General Manager: “We can’t win at home. We can’t win on the road. As general manager, I can’t figure out where else to play.”
Greg Norman: “I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father.”
Titi Fuentes, former MLB second baseman: “They shouldn’t throw at me. I’m the father of five or six kids.”
Gordie Howe (photo courtesy The New Yorker)
Gordie Howe: “All hockey players are bilingual. They know English and profanity.”
President Gerald Ford: “I know I am getting better at golf because I’m hitting fewer spectators.”
Garry Maddox after hitting a grand slam: “As I remember it, the bases were loaded.”
Chad Ochocinco, former NFL wide receiver who changed his name to match his uniform number: “I’m traveling to all 51 states to see who can stop 85.”
Terrell Owens: “Don’t say I don’t get along with my teammates. I don’t get along with some of the guys on the team.”
Jason Kidd: “We’re going to turn this team around 360 degrees.”
Ned Coletti, former Los Angeles Dodgers general manager Ned Colletti, on scouting a prospective pitcher: “He had good command, though. He didn’t hit any cars or anything.”
Stephen Neal, former New England Patriots offensive lineman on Tom Brady’s minor car accident: “We can’t protect him all the time.”
Brett Anderson, former Oakland A’s pitcher Brett Anderson, after slugger Manny Ramirez joined the team in spring training: “Manny just asked if I was the video coordinator. Our relationship can only go up from here.”
Marshawn Lunch (photo courtesy Fox Sports)
Marshawn Lynch on Seahawks offensive line coach Tom Cable: “Being from Oakland, all I knew about him is that he punched people. That’s my kind of person.”
Steve Keim, former Arizona Cardinals general manager, on how the NFL assesses character in the Draft: “If Hannibal Lecter ran a 4.3, we’d probably diagnose it as an eating disorder.”
Doc Rivers on welcoming back forward Blake Griffin to the Clippers after Griffin punched a team staffer and broke his hand: “You forgive people. We built Nixon a library.”
Tony Gwynn: “We know we’re better than this, but we can’t prove it.”
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This column first appeared in The Vacaville Reporter on September 2, 2020.
